stella 💫

So i started this blog a couple years ago and I’ve been inactive ever since i was having trouble figuring out whether my mom was going to allow me to go to therapy or not. She allowed me to go but she was always unsupportive about it outside of therapy because she insisted that I’m “normal”. Picking me up after sessions she’d be mad at me for still going. I️ was never very close to her in my life but i really thought she would support me when i felt like I️ needed her to lol. Anyways she just thinks I’m lazy and stuff and doesn’t understand anything i explain to her/she’s stubborn af so yeah. I think the language barrier is a big part of this as well. I kept doing what I️ thought was best for me and just disregarded some of my mom’s opinions and expectations though. Therapy was helpful because it gave me a safe place to express my feelings and talk about them. I️ really liked setting goals and making plans to reach them it was very helpful for me. My troubles were so hard to deal with because i didn’t have much of a support system. The care i received from my teachers, guidance counselor, therapist, and boyfriend really helped in making me feel welcome in the world. I never forgot about the way i always cared for people either. i felt worthless if i wasn’t useful but now i know that I’m always capable of doing good things. I am valuable ❤️ my first goals were to sleep and eat regularly and to take things less personally. My grades were bad and one of my teachers stressed me out a lot. He would tell me he was disappointed in me and stuff like that. I just tried to keep those who cared about me in mind. Especially me. I feel that loving or at least caring about myself was the biggest part of the process in becoming independent. Sleeping and eating regularly helped with the fatigue i was experiencing (it took a little while though). Practicing taking things less personally helped with being overly-sensitive. I didn’t want to be SO affected by things that were irrelevant to the goodness of my life anymore!!! Working toward those goals was very helpful for my overall health. I was also happy knowing i had people who cared for me as well. I couldn’t do the trauma therapy where you talk about it because i didn’t want my mom to know the details and blah blah and working with theoreticals would be too difficult for me blah blah. My traumas made me feel disgusting and fearful and deserving of all the pain in the world. My support system and love for myself helped me get rid of those feelings. Meditation was really helpful too. I also have strong beliefs that kept me going. I’m always going to love my hardest and I’m always going to try to be courageous if there’s a chance of me being where i want to be. I always knew that i would always have myself if everything were to go wrong. I still dont feel very understood or loved unconditionally by others but i feel like i really know and love myself now and that makes me feel so invincible. My last therapy session was in August. I’m doing pretty well these days 💖

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.